How to Smash a Car Window from the Inside

1. Decide to build a backyard deck.

2. Go to Rona and buy 8 ten foot lengths of pressure treated lumber.

3. Very carefully wrap a towel around the ends of the lumber so you don't damage the vehicle seats or scratch the windows.

4. Lift up the lumber and slide in the rear of the vehicle. Watch out - they're heavy!

5. Go over the back row of seats. The towel should help the lumber slide over the seats.

6. Rest the front of the lumber carefully on the dashboard. Again, the towel will prevent scratching.

7. If the lumber is still poking out of the back of the vehicle, put your shoulder to it and dig your feet into the ground. This should generate about 200 foot pounds per square inch of pressure and easily buypass any obstacles.


8. Push lumber through front windshield.

How To Define Irony

New station in Sudbury, Ontario.

How to Drive a 1985 Merkur XR4Ti While on Fire

1. Buy a 1985 Merkur XR4Ti. Pay around $1700.

2. Ensure the area where the radiator hose attaches to the radiator is degrading. It should be almost completely rotten.

3. The Merkur XR4Ti is turbopowered so you shouldn't have any problem getting the engine up to flaming speed. It's best to be on a 6 to 8 lane highway doing about 120K.

4. Wait for the radiator hose to break loose. At this point, the engine will begin to heat up nicely.

5. Keep your eyes peeled for cool looking flames shooting out of either side of the hood. You have a limited time to pretend you're in a Batmobile so make the best of it.

6. Scout out an exit where you can coast into an isolated parking lot when all the wiring finally melts (about 3 minutes).

7. Coast into the parking lot, remove your briefcase and lunch. Sit on curb and call fire department from cel phone .

Note: As cool as this is, it's generally a one time thing, so make sure you're really committed.

How to Prevent Transmission of H1N1 Virus

Garlic scented hand sanitizer. And not just fresh garlic scent, the smell of garlic the morning after the night before, when you hold your hand up to your mouth and breathe out and then quickly inhale through your nose - and it's the smell of public transit and liquid natural gas. That kind of garlic smell. 'Cause that's stinky.

Keeps hands clean and people away.